Gift?

"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10b, ESV) Job asked an important question of his wife when he faced horrific suffering and it's a question that I've been reflecting on a lot in recent days. Throughout my 37 years I've been the recipient of abundant blessings from the hand of God and I'm grateful for every one of them. Among them are you - my family and friends, who have and continue to bless me in a million ways. You truly are among the good that I've received from God! It's easy to attribute gifts to the hand of God, but what about the "evil" that Job is speaking about?

Two weeks ago, I got personal news of "evil". After my recent hysterectomy the pathology came back reporting two types of aggressive cancer in my uterus. Technically speaking, they found mixed high grade endometrioid and clear cell carcinomas. How does a person deal with a surreal diagnosis? I've cycled between denial and despair, but Paul sums up an important reality and how I felt hearing the word "cancer" as he speaks about his own suffering in Asia Minor. "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." (2 Corinthians 1:9 ESV) In so many ways, the doctor's words have felt like just that - a death sentence. But Paul adds something to my understanding of my suffering - this diagnosis, this "evil" that Job speaks about as being from God's hand, is going to help me learn not to rely on myself. Is it possible that this "evil" might also be a gift? Just over two weeks in on this journey, I can see that truth already at work. I've been messy (and I still am regularly) but when my eyes are on Jesus, I know peace and even joy.

The good news is that Jesus has been here - in no way is this unchartered territory. He knows because he walked this path. He received not only a death sentence but execution at the hands of his creatures. He faced evil head-on and in doing so undid all of its power. And he did it for me and you. But death didn't get the final word with him, and it needn't for us either. We simply need to rely fully on him. A death sentence, whether that of sin or even a cancer diagnosis, is nothing for the One who raises the dead. In the words of Paul, "He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." (2 Corinthians 1:10, ESV)

I plan to write updates here as I get information and journey through both chemotherapy and radiation, but you're not just going to find treatment updates because I don't intend to waste my cancer. I plan to talk a lot about what God has and is doing in me. I'd be grateful for any prayers that you'd offer on my behalf - for my healing and my heart, that through this "evil," I'd know and rely on the Lord in increasing measure. Firmly in his grip, Christina